http://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Tell-Your-Plotting-Kill/dp/1449410243
As you can see, this is totally a research piece and not at all a gag gift for people who own cats. Why would stuff like that be made eh? This book has most likely saved countless lives by uncovering the ways that cats plot stuff.
So according to this survival guide, if a cat is trying to kill you they will knead you. My cat was not one for kneading mainly because he would never sit on your lap. He would also sort of skit around so to say, he would love sitting on the arm of the chair with you and you could just about manage to coax him across your lap to the other side. He would never settle there though. Good start.
Another sign is the shovelling of kitty litter. Easy one. Did his business outside. I am starting to feel good about my late kitty.
Staring contests.. Well.. I think you can probably see form the pictures I have put up of Speedy he liked a good staring contest. He always gave you that half bored look because they were so much better at it than you and they know they'll win. Eye contact is important though, they'll think you're weak if you can't manage it. Stare the little thing down!
So - did he bring dead animals to us? On occasion. I think in the 15 or so years we had him.. We had a couple of mice, voles and also the odd bird. Obviously, as we thought, these aren't presents but warnings. I think I will count this as a negative because it did happen.
Throwing up grass is not only a purging methods to save themselves from eat bad food, but its also like a hyper athletic training exercise. It gets their body prepared for battle which is like Mortal Kombat but between humans and cats. Definitely should be a thing. I never witnessed the cat doing this myself but I know he used to throw up on the door mat at night if he couldn't get in. Maybe that was an angry jab but we'll give it to him. Another point to the cat.
The next on the list is hiding in dark places and watching.. To get an idea of you. What you do, where you live and your habits. No. My cat was far too lazy, he would sleep all the time. I think it may be safe to say that he would sleep for at least three quarters of the day. I always remember coming down at night when I was staying up late and turning the light on to see where I was going, he would give me a stare as if to say 'what the hell are you doing?' They have more sensitive eyes than us of course.
Day 498
I think a picture break would be a good thing to pop in here. There are still another six fully fledged scientific theories to dive into.
Say hi to Perry. Perry the Platipus, from Phineas and Ferb. We got him Disney when we were in America. At the moment we have the Mickey topper with the wizard hat on. We have been thinking about switching to this one at some point because it will be so much easier to see in a car park!
He looks pretty darn serious to me. And he is also looking up some recipes, whilst feeling awkward next to a half naked soldier and also getting clean. That paper bag underneath him is actually some meerkat soap. Knowledge.
Having a look at the next four options.. I can honestly say my cat never did any of these things.
- Sleeping on electronics
- Pawing at you whilst asleep
- Running away super fast when you enter the room
- Sleeping in high traffic areas of the house
Yeah he never did any of that. I totally busted out the bullet points. We downloaded one of them iPad games that are 'designed for cats' but he never really took an interest. He tried it once or twice, got bored and then literally wouldn't try it again. He would never come up stairs, he knew he wasn't allowed to. Sometimes he would sneak his way onto my mum and dads bed but he knew he shouldn't. I guess that would be the only time he would run away really fast because he knew he was being naughty. And he only ever slept in his bed. He liked his bed. On the odd occasion, he would sleep on the floor. Always on the hot pipe in the living room.
So, the stink eye? I have never been sure exactly what that meant. I am assuming it means a dirty look or something along those lines. Yeah he did that a lot. Or that might be in relation to the last indicator which was yawning a tonne to show off his dagger teeth. Just to show off what he will try to get you with. All in all, I think it is safe to say my cat wasn't up the task.
He was too lazy.
Picked up a new game off Steam today as it was 80% off, Rogue Legacy. I have watched Northlion playing and clearing it on YouTube and it wasn't available for Mac ages ago I swear.. I am also pretty dang bad at it at the moment. I will get better. I'm sure.
Blog you later people.
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